Niddah, Intimacy, Love And My Sexual Relations - A Jewish Woman On A Therapeutic Journey

Niddah, Intimacy, Love And My Sexual Relations - A Jewish Woman On A Therapeutic Journey

I never have sexual relations during Niddah (my menstrual period). It's forbidden by the Torah. (Leviticus 15:19).

And I'm very keen and observant about this particular law because ever since I started following the laws of the Mikveh, I have found myself heal in powerfully incredibly ways.

However, everything works excellently until it gets to my relationships. See, I dread talking about my menstrual periods with anyone. I dread addressing the subject. I tread very carefully when the topic comes up in public discourse and most often to prefer to walk away than have to discuss it. And so, I find that this issue deeply affects my romantic relationships.

Every time just before my period comes along, I become another woman altogether. I get really unreasonable and wild so to say. My moods and emotions get so crazy, it's better to avoid me than have to deal with me. And this always puts a major strain on my romantic relationships.

Because I can't address the subject, it's been much easier for me to have long distance relationships where I don't have to physically meet up with my partner and when my periods come on, I have often had the excuse of work or something just to keep away from having to disclose this information.

However, recently, my long distance relationship became short distance and that has not been easy. Every month, we seem to break up just before my period, stay broken up during my period and then make up afterwards. I honestly don't understand it all but that has been the pattern these past few months.

Of course my partner still doesn't know when I get my period. And he has no clue that I get so unreasonable at a particular time of the month simply because of the hormones raging inside. Often times, he is left wondering how his very loving sweetheart suddenly turns into this woman who doesn't want to be with him anymore.

It breaks both our hearts when I have to sort of hide for 2 weeks in a month but the truth is that I just don't have the courage to tell him about my periods. It's much easier for me to just walk away and leave everything for G-d to sort out while I'm gone instead of having to deal with it.

I know none of this is fair to him but there is honestly nothing I can do about it. Plus, I'm always so relieved when I don't need or have to have sex during the period. I love the peace of mind and comfort that comes with knowing that I'm at least managing to keep up with one of HaShem's mitzvot because most days I'm a terrible and disobedient Jew.

Of course my ability to keep this mitzvah has little to do with me or my abilities and everything to do with the almighty power of HaShem who helps me stay observant. I'm too much of a sinner and wayward Jew to even entertain any glamorous thoughts about any abilities.

Leviticus 15:19

19 “‘When a woman has her regular flow of blood, the impurity of her monthly period will last seven days, and anyone who touches her will be unclean till evening.

20 “‘Anything she lies on during her period will be unclean, and anything she sits on will be unclean. 21 Anyone who touches her bed will be unclean; they must wash their clothes and bathe with water, and they will be unclean till evening. 22 Anyone who touches anything she sits on will be unclean; they must wash their clothes and bathe with water, and they will be unclean till evening. 23 Whether it is the bed or anything she was sitting on, when anyone touches it, they will be unclean till evening.

24 “‘If a man has sexual relations with her and her monthly flow touches him, he will be unclean for seven days; any bed he lies on will be unclean.

25 “‘When a woman has a discharge of blood for many days at a time other than her monthly period or has a discharge that continues beyond her period, she will be unclean as long as she has the discharge, just as in the days of her period. 26 Any bed she lies on while her discharge continues will be unclean, as is her bed during her monthly period, and anything she sits on will be unclean, as during her period. 27 Anyone who touches them will be unclean; they must wash their clothes and bathe with water, and they will be unclean till evening.

28 “‘When she is cleansed from her discharge, she must count off seven days, and after that she will be ceremonially clean. 29 On the eighth day she must take two doves or two young pigeons and bring them to the priest at the entrance to the tent of meeting. 30 The priest is to sacrifice one for a sin offering and the other for a burnt offering. In this way he will make atonement for her before the Lord for the uncleanness of her discharge.